"Have I told you that I love you yet today? Well if I haven't I LOVE YOU! And of course I miss you, terribly! Did you know I love you so much I'd walk across the country, swim the deepest waters, hike the highest peak just to tell someone I love you. Did you know you are my everything? Every day I wake up and thank God for having you, someone so supportive loving, respectful, caring, honest and more. Everything I need you have. Every night is lonely some nights its borderline suicidal but I sit back and think why would I want to give up something so wonderful so easily! I would be LOST without you. Over 100 letters exchanged, three months, four days, endless number of phone calls, seventeen visits, four concrete walls, one jealous ex, one glass window - is a basic rundown of all the things that have tried to come between us. Nothing will break us because what we have was meant to be. I am going to embrace this difficult time as just another test of our marriage's character. And another test means another triumph babe! I stay strong because I have a strong husband, I don't break because my husband is never broken. And together as a team the strength we have can overcome anything! I love you so much. Love, isn't it wonderful? God, I never imagined I could be so in love and it could be and feel so great! I am so lucky to have you babe!" July 14, 2011

I rarely share what I write, partly because I send them before I have time to sit and reflect. I wrote that letter six months ago, not a lot of it has changed, but some has. What has changed is my strength. Reading, "borderline suicidal" reminds me of how much I really struggled. I really missed Tom at the beginning of this, and yes, I still him but I have learned, I have trained myself how to deal with it. Some nights I still cry when I go to bed, rollover and wish he was there but in reality I want to live because he lives. I can't even explain what this lifestyle feels like, only a fellow wife could understand, but while it isn't glamorous or even accepted by most, I don't regret it.

I never regret marrying Tom because everything I wrote in July is true, still to this day. People wonder how Tom can be supportive in this situation but worried more about me than he does about himself. He is caring, loving and respectful - things you always want in a spouse. Past the 100 days, forget the glass, the concrete walls, phone calls and letters - Tom and I will always be able to triumph because of our honesty and our trust. I never look back and wonder what if, I wonder how come. I am happy that I listened to the "whispers of my heart" and became Mrs. Lewis because this love, this love is really amazing. That hasn't changed.

Tom and I haven't seen each other in over 220 days, I have lost count but when it comes down to it, these 200 something days are nothing compared to the forever we will have together. With that being said, I am still married to a strong man which makes me strong and I am not broken because he is not broken. We continue as a team to this very day even with the continuous struggles we have. My heart will never let me leave him. My heart continues to miss him and love him dearly. My heart whispers every night, "Goodnight babe, I love you," and my heart can hear his saying the same thing.

I never want to lose the whispers.

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