Paint, Water & Emotions

I haven't picked up a paintbrush in years. Years. I once loved to mix blues and greens splash in on paper and allow my hand to flow. I recently bought a visual journal, one I had been eyeing for awhile. I urgently got home and dug out what I could find of my watercolors and sat. I just sat and painted, painted and wrote, wrote and painted.

I did it for hours.

And it has continued almost every single night since I bought it, almost two weeks ago.

I was the young girl that adopted the idea of a diary then a journal - but this is different. I can take any raw emotion bring it to life with color and paint brush stokes.

Art Journaling.

It sounds so bizarre. I thought that at first but I have sat down every night to paint at least one page, if not several. It everything that I feel, I think - and I love it. The 9 by 12 white pages take me away to a place that even I am unaware I am at. I mix the colors without even thinking, drag the paintbrush without second guessing - and then there it is. Something extraordinary.

I like to think that one day when I am old, Tom and my children will thumb through the pages, admire the art, read it line by line and try to understand how madly in love we are and how happy we are.

I think that part of me wants to think it allows me to release something - anything.

My raw feelings
My raw emotions
My raw thoughts
My raw love
My raw hate

I aspire it to be filled of my everything, our everything. 

In it together

Never could I imagine how much effort marriage took, honestly. It seems so easy, yet it really does take patience, time, communication and effort. I hate to say that it takes "work" because it shouldn't be work, more effort than anything. Of course every couple has trials and tribulations and issues that need to be worked out. It seemed so easy when Tom was away, daily letters and 15-minute phone calls, who had time to bicker? Fight? We wanted to take advantage of the little time we did have. Now that he is home we have had to re-adjust to communicating - to communicate without hand-written letters and face-to-face and a lot longer than 15 minutes. The patience is required when you want to interupt them talking, yell or scream. The time plays in when you have "wait it out." Communication works when you want it to. Point blank. Period. And the effort is key to allowing your marriage to move on. These are four things that have had their way into our lives since Tom has been home.  Making decisions have now really become "us." While Tom was in prison it was "us" but he wasn't home so the decision to purchase four new tires, really had no effect on him, because he still received money and got phone calls. So now its grocery lists, budgets, must-haves and treats are weekly discussions. It hard to put any of the "four" parts into motion. What makes a great marriage is having arguments and differences yet still loving that person more than anything in the world. It is accepting their faults and their mistakes and still devoting your life to be with them. After all you are in it together. You really are one, a team. That is one thing we have had to get used to. While marriage is one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life I also know that the effort, time, patience and communication I am putting into it will result in one of the best loves and happiness of my entire life. (Of course leaving room for the future of children.)

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