No matter how strong the wind blows, stand strong like a tree,
keep your roots embedded in the ground
and nothing can topple you over

"Babe, you know I love you right? I love you with all my heart! I would be lost right now without you! Shit, I'd probably be in here going crazy with a case of the "fuck its" but instead I live everyday happy knowing I'm coming home to you and the start of a beautiful life! Our future together is what keeps me calm and collect right now in all this insanity! You are the best thing that I have in my life and the best thing in my future! God, I miss you so much baby! What I wouldn't give to just kiss you one time, hell just to hug you one time would make these XXX days left be so much easier for me! I love you baby more and more with every passing day! Goodnight and sweet dreams my wife. Till tonight when we see each other in our dreams! Love you with all my heart always and 4-Life!! Your Husband"
Isn't it funny how you can go YEARS without someone, meet them and BAM, now they change your life. You wonder how you ever survived without them, how did I ever make it for the past 25 years without my husband? And he always tells me the same, what his life, our lives would be like if we just met sooner. With one another at each other's side it allows us to keep focus on going forward, looking at the light of the tunnel rather than where we are sitting now.

Looking back neither one of us can think where we would be right now without one another, while we both come from totally different backgrounds, lifestyles and experiences somehow it works. His "old" lifestyle would of had him dead in the gutter somewhere, while mine I would be lonely and helpless to an extent but with another we can conquer the world, all because two people fell in love.

I was made for him

At 25 I thought for sure I would have had kids and had at least a few years under my belt of being married. Each line on my face, every scar as a story of what I have been through of who I am, in my short 25 years. And as though I have been through so much every step, every fall has lead me to my husband. I have climbed to the highest mountain, traveled across the ocean and have broken all the rules but it has lead me to him. So many people have judged me for the decisions that I have made, dating him, marrying him and now the sacrifices I make but I do it for him because I was made for him. I am not ashamed of who I am, what I have been through the decision of where I am in my life falls into that. I am so head over heels in love with my husband that it doesn't matter the situation I am in, the fact that I am married to someone in prison or that fact that he is 2,500 miles away. He is the love of my life. He and I share no secrets, he has always told me the truth and I have done the same. I can only thank him for the wonderful man he is and who he is becoming. The daily letters and soon to be daily calls is what gets us both through this time. We both write each other every single day and look forward to each phone call.

If the world came down I would still have him, if I begin to fall he would never let me hit the ground, if we ever had to go to war he would be standing right next to me, no matter what I still have him.

A lot of "prison wives" say "why would people be jealous of me?" Shit, we can't sleep next to our husbands, its a few phone calls, visits for the lucky women, we are sending money and letters but ya know when it comes down to it, the letters the calls (I don't get visits) are nothing compared to the love that we have between one another. While I have to pay $5.70 to talk to my husband and mostly communicate with him via the United States Postal Service a "normal" couple gets to wake up next to one another, fall asleep next to one another but not all of em have this kind of love. That, this love, is what they should be jealous of. This kind of love. So pure, so real the love that my husband and I share people should be jealous because 2,500 miles away,behind locked doors Mr. and Mrs. Lewis have the kind of love some people will never have, the kind they only dream of.

God, how I love opening my mailbox to see something like this in it. Even 2,500 miles away he still makes me feel special. Every time he gets commissary he sends me something a little special since he can't buy my flowers, jewelry and foot rubs are out the question. =] How lucky am I?

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Being a prison wife, letters, yes snail mail is one thing I always look forward to every single day. I may check the mail at least twice a day, just in case I looked too soon. I can't even begin to explain what it is like being labeled a prison wife and what it entails. While some women I am sure have it worse off than I do, this is so hard. It takes a real strong woman to deal with this on a daily basis and keep it together. When I married Tom I didn't know exactly what I was in for but I knew that I loved him so much it didn't matter because I knew if I lost him I would never feel this love, or share this kind of love every again. And here we are, married while he is in prison in New Jersey and I am in Idaho - and we are happily married. I couldn't be happier and after receiving this letter today its the cherry on top:

Dated June 18, 2011

“So today baby I for to bragging about you. I sat down with a guy and he started talking about his wife and how a couple of months into this she couldn’t take it anymore. I told him how I still get my daily letters and pics and the phone and money on my books! It made me also think about how lucky I truly am to have an amazing wife like you! You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wake up happy knowing that you are on my side. I know that with you by my side I can do anything and overcome anything. Even though you are not here and I don’t talk to you every day you do make everyday I am in here a little easier! With you I’m not in here worried about if you are out there cheating or drugging! It is all the more easier for me to not be stressing. With me knowing you are waiting for me, you help me stay away from all the bullshit. You make me be better by walking away from people who are in here that are ignorant and always want to start problems with others. You make me not worry about small things like if someone cuts in the food line. All around you make me a better person and you make me want to continue it on the streets by going back to school and having the family that I’ve always wanted! You, Annette Lewis, make me a better man. Thank you! You are the best person in my life now or ever. I am afraid to think of where I would be after this if its not with you. …… That is why I say I need you in my life! I love you with everything I am and will continue to love you till death due is part.”
That is my husband. Mr. Lewis, all mine and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my man with all my heart and I know he loves me with his. I am so lucky to be married to him and it will never change, ever. I cannot wait for him to home again in my arms. <3

There is no one I love more than you, the kind of love that is strong, the kind you feel in your bones, in your heart we share the same emotions, When I close my eyes and think of your face it blows me away like no other!
There is no one I love more than you, the deep and satisfying kind, that sits on my mind and heart and influences me, everyday on my decisions and actions I make everyday!
There is no one I love more than you, you are the only reason I celebrate my life for your love and affection and keeps me in action, keeps me with a level head and well balanced!
There is no one I love more than you I vow to give you all my love, loyalty, truth, honor and respect! Nothing shall break the hear in which we are mended to! I love you more than life its selft!
There is no one in this world I love more than you nor will they take your place!
Your Husband 4-Life

What I wait for
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This is ever so true. And for now it travels from a tiny town in Idaho to behind bars in
New Jersey. Even the 2,500 miles is okay because the love that my husband and I share
is worth it, he reminds me of it with letters and phone calls all the time. Soon enough we
will be together once again beginning our lives as husband and wife, with children and
more. Something we are both looking forward to.

Green Light.....Go.

"So as I sit here and think, its around 7:30 there and I wonder what you are doing? are you out or did you stay in? Its Friday night and I think if I were home what would we be doing? I think that we would be home right about now, probably finding something on TV to watch for the night. Maybe we are sitting there and you keep fucking with me, tickeling ,e till I can't stop laughing, douche bag! lol. or we are getting into the shower getting ready to curl up on the bed in each others arms ready to watch a movie or something! I remember Friday nights used to mean get paid, get some drugs, and hit the bars or go to someone's house to party! It didn't matter where we were just as long as we were getting fucked up cause it was Friday! It didn't matter what were getting fucked up on just as long as I was fucked up! Now baby, all I want to do is be with you! And the only thing I want to get fucked up on now is you! Your love, your company and of course your sex! You are the only thing I need now to make me feel good! I don't need any drugs anymore! You make me feel better than any drug has ever made me feel! Where were you 10 years, 5 years hell 3 years ago when I could have save us all this heartache and pain and could have been trying to overdose on your love rather than drugs. All I know is you saved me! Cause without you right now, I would probably max this bid out and see green lights to go off to the races! Now all I see is green lights to make babies and wedding bells for our wedding! Without you right now I don't know what I would be doing after this, actually I'm afraid to think of what I would have been like. But now baby, I don't have to be afraid! I don't have to be scared! I don't have to worry! I know I have you waiting, for me and our future together is only looking better and better. the possibilities are endless to what we can accomplish together babe! We both have great hopes and plans for the future and together we can accomplish every goal we set for ourselves! i want, matter of fact, I need you in my future baby! I can't imagine it any other way! Its not complete without you baby! I'm so lucky to have a woman like you baby and I'm not losing you now, that I do have you!"

And that right there, just that keeps me strong, keeps my spirits lifted and continues to help me realize how much my husband loves me. I am one lucky girl!

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