It seems like forever since I have blogged. Work, work, oh yeah and work has gotten in my way of writing. BUT tonight, tonight I am not sure if its the fact that I am extremely over tired or the sappy music in the background, maybe a combination of them both has me in tears. God, we have hit the 100 days and now it seems like time is dragging. Every time I look at the countdown it seems to be on the same day it was before.

While I am ever so anxious that Tom is coming home soon, I am nervous as hell. Point blank period.

I am nervous because we have to start over, get used to one another again. It will be 10 months since I have slept in the same bed as my husband. Ugh. To some that isn't long but it is. Its like almost saying "I do" all over again. Your heart races and you think of now, then and the future. What the future has for you two and what will happen.

Some days I am scared. Some excited. I have to be honest and say this is all so overwhelming. You don't know what to do with yourself or what to do next. Once he is home everything will be different again. You wonder will it be the same, like before he left? Will he insist to always have my head rest against his shoulder at night, that his legs always be wrapped within mine. The kisses, oh the kisses. I couldn't even tell you what its like to kiss. Shit, I can't even tell you how he acts anymore, his habits are no longer my habits. Sometimes I need to get on DOC just to see him, because in reality that is the most recent photo. The photos of us together are no longer us.

I miss Tom a lot tonight.

Is it?

There comes a time in all of this that your memory shifts, you no longer remember the smells, the look in his eyes or even how his lip curls. I sit and close my eyes trying my hardest just trying to myself in his arms, in his presence. Anything.

So I am so behind on laundry I reached to Tom's side of the closet and pulled out one of his treasured white tees. I slipped it over my head and as it hit my shoulders and rested, I stopped.

Took a deep breath.

Closed my eyes.

And there.

Right there it seemed he was right there with me. His scent still saturated the tee. If I knew this I probably would have wasted this treasure a long time ago. I would have wore out all of his tees in the beginning of this journey. But here I am breathing him in, as if it his him.


All I can do is cry.

Cry because it makes me happy, yet breaks my heart. I never knew you could miss someone so much. Love someone so much. Is it pathetic to sit here basking in his scent?

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