Miss You So Much

"Oh well as long as I have you that is all that matters to me! So do you know how much I miss you babe? Damn, I wish for one night we could just be together and be able to fall asleep in eachother's arms again. I'd be able to do the rest of this on my head if we would be able to have one night together! But believe me, when this is over I will never leave you again and we will cherish everyday from that day on together! I don't ever want to be apart again like this. It's killing me to be here with a bunch of idiots and not to be with my wife." - August 13
"So anyways have I told you how much I miss you today? Well, I'm miss you like crazy today! damn I wish I could at least see you, the pics are nice but to be able to see you in person would make this so much easier for the both of us. When I call and you say that you had a bad day cause you were really missing me, I try to really play like I'm ok but inside its really killing me! Damn it kills me not to be able to see you. Everyday I wake up in here gets harder and harder but I try to remember that everyday I wake up in here is one day closer to being home with my wife. So I have to be strong cause it only hurts worse when I realize how long we have been apart and how much time we have left till we are back together again! With that being said all that is left to say is babe, we have to be strong and never broken! This will pass and we will make it. I love you with all my heart baby." - August 14
I can't begin to tell you how this affects me, reading this makes my heartache. Its aches because I feel exactly how he does, it aches because I wish I could see him everyday to take away his pain. This feeling has to be one of the worst, seeing someone you love so much in pain, lost and you really can't do anything to change it. While he gets letters daily, photos, newspapers, books, copies of my blog its not the same. For me, I don't get photos, I get letters and calls - its been over 100 days since I have seen my husband. The distance has killed us, when he was here in county jail I saw him six days a week since there were no visits on Thursdays, now he gets none. I wish I could fly tomorrow to surprise him, to just show him how much I love him. The 2,500 miles that separates us seems to be like a brick wall, no passing it.

Reading the words "harder and harder" is like a dagger to my heart, a rip in my soul because it should be getting easier, we are almost at our halfway point. The word harder is like a what if to me, what if he gives up, what if it gets too hard for him, what if, what if, what if. All we can do is close our eyes and daydream, or with any luck see one another in our dreams.

Tom and I have over 100 days left until we see each other, while it isn't a long time for a lot of women, it is for us, he has already been gone for 148 days. It seems like forever since he has been gone yet years until he is home again. All we can do is try to stay strong for one another, strong and never broken, that's it we have been so strong and never broken. We can only stay committed in our marriage and like he says cherish each day when he gets home.

But in the mean time, what do you do?


  1. I wish I could make all the sadness and the pain go away...but you are a strong woman and you will look back on this period in your life one day and say wow "Look what I did"....You are amazing...never forget that!

  2. Wow this made me cry....I know how you feel!!It seems like its a never ending brick wall..One day it will be better one day your hubby will be home....Its one of the hardest things Ive ever done in my life so I feel you...BTW your blog is awesome!!!!!!Cheer up!

  3. Thank you so much ladies! I can't wait for the day when I say, "Look what I did." I countdown that day, everyday.

    Thank you Amanda! This "lifestyle" we live is hard, and def. not for the weak. =]

  4. So touching. This is so heartfelt & I can feel the pain you two endure without being in the situation myself. Stay strong.

  5. His posts are what are so great about this... the helplessness he feels while having to sit there day after day and deal with the bullshit. It's so empty... people have no idea how empty is is.


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