It is amazing to me how love can affect you. How love can change affect your life. Where you think your life is one way, going a certain way and then everything changes all of a sudden. Like me, I was working just focusing on my life as it was and then a train hit me. That train was Tom. I once told Tom "love is overrated," as he reminds me all the time.
I once was in a dark place in my life. My nights consisted of drinking, anything with alcohol percentage over five percent, my demons consistently followed me, creeping into my daily life, my love life, my head, my thoughts. My tunnel had no light at the end of it and somehow I was recovering. You see I am good at hiding, hiding my struggles, my trials and tribulations - I hate when people say I am sorry, as if they pity who I am. I hate the attention hurt and pain can bring from others, its just not me, so I have trained myself to be stronger than I need to be and sometimes should be. But none the less I overcame that day I sat at the edge of my bed, contemplating, taking my life with the revolver that rested in my hand. I had already sunk to my bottom, rock bottom in fact and it seemed like there was no chance for me to be free.
I have overcame that day, moved on from the drinking and the demons. Part of that recovery was myself, learning to love who I am, learn exactly who I am, and then Tom came along. Between Tom and I, he most certainly has the "past" yet I seemed to be the broken one. His hurt was worn on his sleeves, the scars, the lines on his face - all shown his true strength. The inner strength has had to develop almost on his own to be the man he is today. I feel broken compared to him, how can this one man who has seen things I don't want to think about, be more together than me? Somehow he was. Somehow he fell in love with me, I fell in love with him, he saved me.
He saved me in the way of showing me real love. I have never in my life felt this love, this type of never dying love. A love that sees past our hard times, bad times and still come together to appreciate one another. He saved me in the terms of believing in me, which gave my the courage to believe in myself. Its like Tom swept in with an S on his chest, and not taking me from my pain and hurt but saving me from my pain and hurt. I couldn't imagine where I would be without Tom, and I would like to think he would say the same thing. But when it comes down to it, he's my hero. A man that stepped up showed my love, showered me with respect, listened and if he can't he at least tries to understand. So I wonder where I would be without him, without his love? It probably wouldn't be pretty, or slightly good for at least in my mind.
I thank him almost everyday for loving me, coming into my life and for being him.
I have never in my life felt this love, this type of never dying love. A love that sees past our hard times, bad times and still come together to appreciate one another
ReplyDeleteThese words r y we r entwined as "sisters"!
True Love Never Dies, and True Love Always Waits!!!!!!!
Well as I sit here reading your post and wiping the tears away...I think of how I have struggled with my son's suicide attempts...but have not thought about how he has dealt with them...I see them now now through a different set of eyes and know that he too can come out that other side just like you did and hopefully find someone to love unconditionally like you and Tom!
ReplyDeleteThis truly brought tears to me eyes. You and Tom have rare and beautiful love. Thanks for sharing it with all of us!
ReplyDeleteHardships can only make you stronger, stronger for eachother. This is beautiful and I am sure he loves you just as much as you love him.
ReplyDeleteWow. So amazing, I can't begin to describe how I can feel your hurt and admire your honesty. How lucky is it to have a man so willing and loving. Good luck and God Bless
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