Four Months

Today Tom and I have been married for four months, seems like yesterday that I walked up those steps to the courtroom, my heart pounding, I was so nervous. It also means Tom and I haven't seen one another in just under four months, he was extradited just days after we said I do. We miss each other so much that sometimes the $4.95 phone calls and daily letters don't seem to be enough.

But in the past four months, Tom and I have both grown immensely. In the past four months I have really realized what marriage is, and while we haven't really been able to fully experience it, the situation that we are in is hard. Having a husband who is serving time in prison is a true test to your marriage, your commitment and yourself.

Its not easy maintaining a marriage while he is incarcerated especially 2,500 miles away in New Jersey, which means no visits. Commitment is key to our marriage, we fully trust one another and are 100 percent committed to each other. Our commitment includes being faithful, honesty and communication, and being able to depend on one another - more Tom depending on me at the time. I have to be dependable for Tom in daily letters, money on his books every two and answering the phone everyday. Its not just hard for me not having my husband but its hard for him being away without his freedom. I never want him to think I am not here for him, that I don't support him or have given up.

Its not easy to be me nowadays. When I said "I do" I accepted the fact that Tom may have to go to New Jersey and we really didn't know how long this would be, days, months or even years - but I knew I loved him and four months ago I became Mrs. Lewis. Becoming a wife without my husband has been weird and sometimes I don't know who I am. I consume my time with working, constantly, and I tell myself I need the money but in reality I just want to keep my mind busy. I want to keep my mind off of him, our situation and the days left we have. In the time Tom has been gone I have found love within myself that I never knew existed yet have lost a part of myself with him being gone. Its hard to be so in love with a man that isn't here, to fall in love and have him ripped away.

Four months down, only about five more, which is an upside to this day. I do not ever regret falling in love with the man I did or being prison wife, all I can do is look towards tomorrow, because one day down is another one closer to finally having him back in my arms again.

- The One & Only Mrs. Lewis

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