Being Brave

Never could I imagine that Tom would be able to come home early, and while it may not be permanent at this point - I seem to still be in "shock." I have to admit that it can be weird. Weird in the fact that we went from seeing each other one time in the last year to now living together again, finally. Weird in the fact that we have had to adjust to not only being together, but a "new" place together. Yet, it's weird in the fact that it is as though Tom has never left, we have picked up where we "left" off in a sense. When he walked out and we exchanged our first hug and kiss since our wedding date, it was like we had never been through the hell the last 399 days have put us through.

Going through the motions of being a "prison wife" is truly indescribable. No one could ever really imagine what it was like without living it, they can sit there and show sympathy and care but they don't understand the heartache, the stress and the horror of the unknown. You have women that don't understand "why." Why you would be with someone like that, why you would put yourself though that - and I have to admit before Tom was arrested I was that girl. I was the girl that wouldn't understand the love, the time, the patience and true love and dedication is takes to be in that position. It certainly wasn't "easy," that is for sure but I don't regret it. And I am sure, to some it may seem as though it is easy for me to say that because my husband is home for the time being. But I never once regretted the decision I made to not only marry Tom but to commit to this journey. I think that you never know how strong you really are when you have no other choice and in this lifestyle there is no other choice.

I feel as though right now I need to take advantage of the time we have with one another because Tom may have to do more time. We don't know for sure.  And we don't know really how long he will be home for with that being said I have to "prepare" myself for the worst in this time again. When Tom first left, the depression and heartache were unbearable, and I am sure if he has to leave again I will feel that again but I will be better equipped with the tools to take this journey on again.

It takes a brave woman to not only do this, but to continue one day after day.

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