Life in the Slow Lane

I have been on bed rest for for about five days now and weeks of it ahead of me, and I can honestly say it is hard. Not being ale to move, get up and do anything is hard. I am sore, my back hurts and it makes me anxious. I know in the long run it will help not only me but little Cooper as well. It will help ensure that little Cooper stays inside hopefully until he is viable to breath on his own.

We are always coming and going but it takes something major to stop us and make us realize how precious life is and how in an instant it can change. Going from working 2-3 jobs to not working at all and on bed rest is a hard concept for me to grasp right now. I just want to get up and do something.

While it seems Tom and I have had an up and down year, 2012 has brought us good news and great news yet saddening and hard news but together we always prevail. Quite honestly you never know the depths of someone until you are faced with tough decisions. Decisions that affect both of you.
Making the decision of either having surgery or no surgery that puts your baby in risk put Tom and I in a tough place. Without surgery we took the risk of my body progressing and having the baby early with no going back. The surgery gave us an option of trying to keep the baby inside longer. While it is risky, it could break your water and then there is no turning back. Tom and I made the decision to move onward with surgery. All went well with surgery and now hopefully that and bed rest buys us precious time.

I wouldn't have imagined that my own body wouldn't be able to hold a baby, that me, myself was the one that was "incapable." It makes me feel un-womanly. Something women should be able to do you and my body can't, while I am grateful I can get pregnant unlike many women its just an odd feeling that my own body wants to give birth to a child that isn't viable. I couldn't be more grateful for modern medicine.

Something else I am completely grateful for - my husband. When it comes down to it the tough decisions it's something Tom and I really had to talk and contemplate, along and together. Any surgery is scary and carries its own risks. When Tom and I first found out that I could loose the baby, we both started crying, something we weren't really prepared to hear and were anxious to know our options if any. Since I was life-flighted out Tom had to wait to the next day to get down here. When we were kinda in a bind to have the surgery because I started spotting again. At one point Tom looked over at me and said, "We will be able to have more children, but I only get one of you." In that moment I knew that I was lucky to him. He was right, no matter the outcome we had one another, we could heal and prevail. Luckily for us, we have bought ourselves and our little Cooper time to hopefully have a happy and healthy baby boy!

Maybe this is all more than I deserve, but I am grateful for all of it.

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