This week I have been out of it and tonight Tom mentioned to me how "distant" I have been. The worst part is that I know I have been and I don't even have an "excuse." I feel like there comes a time when you are just over it. Over the situation. And when Tom mentioned the same exact thing - it was almost like a relief.
As a wife I never want to disappoint Tom or stress him out. And muttering the words, "I'm over it," to him would probably put him on the defense while making him worry. When a man is in prison they tend to worry over the smallest things and me saying over it, could possibly have problems.
I think a lot of my own emotions have to do with the fact that our future will be determined in the next few weeks, which really has me going through the emotions. The unknown of the future has put me in a position where I want to be alone. Focus on what I need to without the hustle and bustle of everything else.
Sometimes when you are in this situation its hard to realize that you do have a husband. Honestly. When I am working seven days a week to take care of the household, no one to enjoy a nice dinner with, no date nights, wake up alone, watch movies alone - Wait I'm married?
It is difficult to continue to live like this - apart yet with the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. As Tom and I said our goodbyes it took all I had to choke back the tears. I just wanted to say, "Will you call back?" Just to hear him. Just one more call. And not to necessarily tell him I am hurting, that I am worried but to just have a sense of him before bed.
P.S. I'm not even sure if this makes sense - but its just how I'm feeling! Sorry! =]
Annette, God, you speak to my heart! I am feeling the same thoughts and emotions as I called in sick today with a cold I could have worked through. Last night my wisdom tooth split in two and we cannot afford the dentist. I am bummed out! I work through the loneliness and then the "I'm so over it" kicks in and I am numb and it shows in my distance with my beloved husband; what's worse is he feels it and thinks there is something wrong with our marriage and it stresses him out. There is nothing I can say or do because you're right; they have WAY too much time to think and worry! So I try to 'put a good face on it.' Our future too is to be decided between now and April; parole or set off for the third time? One thing is for sure, is that on September 19, 2013 he will be completely FREE forever! So if I can just maintain my faith and calm for a little while longer, I will have my baby with me! Hang in there, Annette. Prayers 4 u!
ReplyDeleteAnnette, God, you speak to my heart! I am feeling the same thoughts and emotions as I called in sick today with a cold I could have worked through. Last night my wisdom tooth split in two and we cannot afford the dentist. I am bummed out! I work through the loneliness and then the "I'm so over it" kicks in and I am numb and it shows in my distance with my beloved husband; what's worse is he feels it and thinks there is something wrong with our marriage and it stresses him out. There is nothing I can say or do because you're right; they have WAY too much time to think and worry! So I try to 'put a good face on it.' Our future too is to be decided between now and April; parole or set off for the third time? One thing is for sure, is that on September 19, 2013 he will be completely FREE forever! So if I can just maintain my faith and calm for a little while longer, I will have my baby with me! Hang in there, Annette. Prayers 4 u!
ReplyDeleteAnnette, God, you speak to my heart! I am feeling the same thoughts and emotions as I called in sick today with a cold I could have worked through. Last night my wisdom tooth split in two and we cannot afford the dentist. I am bummed out! I work through the loneliness and then the "I'm so over it" kicks in and I am numb and it shows in my distance with my beloved husband; what's worse is he feels it and thinks there is something wrong with our marriage and it stresses him out. There is nothing I can say or do because you're right; they have WAY too much time to think and worry! So I try to 'put a good face on it.' Our future too is to be decided between now and April; parole or set off for the third time? One thing is for sure, is that on September 19, 2013 he will be completely FREE forever! So if I can just maintain my faith and calm for a little while longer, I will have my baby with me! Hang in there, Annette. Prayers 4 u!
ReplyDeleteComing thru the same emotions. I also do not know how long Steven will have with him winning his post conviction. But stay strong and have faith that you will hear the news you guys have been waiting on
ReplyDelete