One of the worst things is when people say, "I'm sorry." While I do have days when I am down and out, sometimes when others recognize my struggle and meet it with an "I'm sorry" it kind of burns. Tonight a friend said that to me, "It's your anniversary and he's in jail. You're a beautiful girl just sucks you gotta deal with everything." It made me think, because I'm beautiful does that mean I deserve more? And, yes, my wedding anniversary is fast approaching and while it does "suck" it is a life I "chose." It is hard to deal with everything and I am sure it is hard for Tom to deal with as well. It isn't fair to either one of us. Then is came to me, this is us. It is depressing to think that our very first wedding anniversary we won't be able to share a meal, or even a hug. I think it hutrs even more thinking that if everything went according to the plan, Tom would be home right now. But apparently there are bigger plans for he and I - right now ours plans are to love one another as deep as possible, for fight each other and fight by eachother's side. Love isn't perfect, there is always the "rainy" days in everything, even love. I know that this is where I want to be. Right here, right now. I do deserve more, I deserve my husband at home, with me; I deserve children with my husband; I deserve the happily ever after - we all do, it is just a matter of time that I will get that, that you will get that. When someone stutters, "I'm sorry" to me, it makes me think what they are sorry for. Are they sorry that I vowed yes to my husband? Are they sorry that I work two jobs to make ends meet? Or are they sorry that I usually eat alone and sleep alone? In reality, they aren't sorry for my situation, they say "sorry" to make me "feel" better when it doesn't make me better. In fact when someone responds to my situation with a sorry - it makes me defensive because they have nothing to be sorry for. They should be happy that I am happy, they should want to rejoice in my love for a man, not feel sorry for me. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.

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