Some days I yearn for contact with Tom so much that I just want to sift through the enormous pile of letters just to re-read his love for me, the way he is changing and how precious our marriage is to him. Our Sundays used to consist of sleeping in, cuddling, television shows and cuddling some more. Today I can't kick the heartache of my husband not being here, and even though it may seem like we should be used to it by now, or don't have that much time left, the pain still lives on inside of me. Its one of those days you don't want to get out of bed, you aren't tired and you feel fine, but I would rather lay in bed just closing my eyes and thinking of him here with me. The way he used to wrap his arms around me, or had to have his legs intertwined within mine. But while I sit here and miss him like hell, I can only take into consideration of the positive that we will have from the present negative.
Tom and I have traded it all for love.
We traded in the big white wedding adorned with flowers and attended by extended family by us looking into each other's eyes in a courtroom with him in handcuffs. We have traded our hopes and dreams of great jobs, additional schooling and a family, for a lifestyle of just being on idle. Our lives are now day in and day out, writing letters, work and phone calls. Our dreams of a real family will come when he arrives home and his hopes of a bread-winning job will come once he succeeds in additional schooling, like he wants. We have traded in nights of falling asleep in each other's arms to sleepless nights alone laying in bed just wondering about the other. We have traded in face-to-face communication for hand written letters that don't ever seem to be enough, for 15-minute phone calls with the dreaded, "You have 60 seconds remaining."
When it comes down to it, we would have traded so much more just to have one another. I love him, he loves me and here we are. We have accepted the situation and while we both hate Sundays, we know we only have a handful of Sundays left until that one Sunday we can sleep in, cuddle, watch television and cuddle some more.
Our current lifestyle is only temporary, and we both know what we have traded in will all come back once we continue our lives hand in hand.
I like this post. We do trade a lot of things when it comes down to it, a lot of little things more than big things. Luckily you two don't have children to have to miss out on, like first day of school, first crawl etc. The "our current lifestyle is only temporary" is a good way of looking at it, because it won't be forever.
ReplyDelete