"I fell asleep and got to dream of you! I had a dream that I was home with you laying in bed just watching TV. There was nothing great about it except that we were together again. It felt good and I slept good! I woke up in a great mood but realized how much time it is till that day will come and got instantly into my attitude that has been as of lately. Its not a bad mood or anything like that but more of "what the fuck" mood. Like what the fuck another day, what the fuck I can't believe I'm back here, or what the fuck I still have money away till we are together. Even though this time is easier than any other time, I have had this time be one of the hardest. Its been the hardest cause this time I have a wife that is waiting for me. Its hard cause this time I've gotten married and have yet been able to spend one night with her, hell even just kiss or touch her. Even though this will all be over and done with soon enough and we will be able to live our lives together this time is hard for me. I laid here last night after the lights went out for about a half an hour or so and just thought about you and the times we did spend together. Like the time on our way to Missoula and you sucked all the helium out of the balloon and started talking with that high pitched voice, how much fun we had. And even that big fight that we got into over really nothing and how glad I am by not making one of the dumbest decisions I could have made by not saying, "I don't want to lose you!" How dumb would I have been to let you go? I am so happy to have you in my life as my wife and best best friend! I love you so much baby! Even though you are not with me right now you are still with me everyday, you are here when I write my letters, when I wake up everyday and when I go to sleep every night. God, I don't know where would be at mentally without you. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you waiting for me. And even though I say it a lot babe these are a few of the reasons why I say thank you! Thank you! Thank you! thank you for everything baby, you have done so much for me since this started but the main thing you have done is the moral support! Fuck the money and the calls, the best thing for me is these letters! The ones I get from you everyday cheer me up and the letters I write everyday keep me there cause they allow me to get stuff off my chest that are bothering me! I love you baby!"
I can't even begin to express how lucky I feel to have such a great man. I miss Tom so much every single day and while we aren't able to see eachother we both stay strong in our relationship. Some days are better than others but all we can do is remember the good times the laughs we shared and all the fun we had and will soon have. While Tom thanks me for the support I give him, in reality he gives me all the support too. He is the one locked up, he is the one not able to have his freedom and yet he is still able to give me everything I need while he is locked up.
Reading about our "big fight" kind of makes me giggle, neither one of us remember what it was about and it was the only fight we have experienced. Our "big fight" had us both emotionally unraveled, waiting for the other, and when Tom walked into the room while I was packing and he muttered the six words, "I don't want to lose you," the rest is history.
Tom and I are husband and wife, a team and best friends. We never judge one another, get mad for nothing, argue or even bicker, we accept each other for one another's faults and we look past the what ifs and what could have been because this is us.
While Tom has an assigned bed through New Jersey Department of Corrections, they are apart of us until February 26, 2012. And I am okay with that.
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