For the better

"So I was just outside talking to this guy Matt and he was telling me how he was down today cause its his niece's graduation and his whole family was together and it hurt him that he couldn't be there. So I kind of explained our situation about getting married in jail and how you're so far away and that meant no visits and shit. Then I told him that instead of the hurt that you feel think about how much our actions hurt the ones who really care about us. Think about how much it hurts his niece to not have him there on her big day and imagine how much you hurt to not have me there the night of our marriage. That we have to learn from our mistakes or we will surely repeat them. For me I didn't learn the first time, if I had I could of saved a lot of heartache and pain for me, my daughter, you and my family. But this time I have learned and I will not repeat my past cause the next time (in my case) I could be dead or locked up for a lot longer time than I have now and next time I may not have the moral support that i have now!" (Dated June 26, 2011)

Some people wonder why or how I married a man behind bars, how I continue to write him every night, encourage him while keeping me "alive." His letters especially containing things like this makes it so much easier. If you have read Tom and I's "Love Story" (below) then you know we married after just months of knowing each other, we married while he was in county jail. The day he was arrested, our lives changed forever, for the worst and yet for the better. While our marriage, which was official April 7, isn't perfect, in fact its far from it but what matters is that we are happily married. Really. And it has to do with the change we are both making.

Tom has made several mistakes in his past, drugs, alcohol and bad influences swarmed around him living in a life of the never ending high. When I met him it wasn't long after when he "confessed" to me the situation he was in and with dating him I accepted the possibility of him being arrested at any time.

Over the past few months Tom has made so many wonderful changes but what the point is, is that he has made them on his own. He had realized what he past has lead him to, how his decisions effect everyone around him not just him and what amazes me is that he really does realize the toll this takes on me. Reading "imagine how much you hurt to not have me there the night of our marriage" to me, is quite extraordinary because while some days I feel like he may not take into consideration what this is, he does. The day we got married I went to work, went to the Courthouse got married to love of my life and went back to work, then to my second job and went home. That night I slept alone. That night I didn't have my husband.

Some may say its not worth it, but to have this love, this kind of love of someone who is so supportive, amazing and who is constantly becoming a "better" him. The changes he has made is so great, because honestly sometimes it can be scary, nerve wrecking married or even dating someone behind bars, the men change by the time they get home and my man is changing for the better. Reading how he takes into how other people's feelings and concerns, makes me fall in love all over again.

Mr. and Mrs. Lewis "4-Life" as he says, till death due us part.

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