Never could I imagine how much effort marriage took, honestly. It seems so easy, yet it really does take patience, time, communication and effort. I hate to say that it takes "work" because it shouldn't be work, more effort than anything. Of course every couple has trials and tribulations and issues that need to be worked out. It seemed so easy when Tom was away, daily letters and 15-minute phone calls, who had time to bicker? Fight? We wanted to take advantage of the little time we did have. Now that he is home we have had to re-adjust to communicating - to communicate without hand-written letters and face-to-face and a lot longer than 15 minutes. The patience is required when you want to interupt them talking, yell or scream. The time plays in when you have "wait it out." Communication works when you want it to. Point blank. Period. And the effort is key to allowing your marriage to move on. These are four things that have had their way into our lives since Tom has been home. Making decisions have now really become "us." While Tom was in prison it was "us" but he wasn't home so the decision to purchase four new tires, really had no effect on him, because he still received money and got phone calls. So now its grocery lists, budgets, must-haves and treats are weekly discussions. It hard to put any of the "four" parts into motion. What makes a great marriage is having arguments and differences yet still loving that person more than anything in the world. It is accepting their faults and their mistakes and still devoting your life to be with them. After all you are in it together. You really are one, a team. That is one thing we have had to get used to. While marriage is one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life I also know that the effort, time, patience and communication I am putting into it will result in one of the best loves and happiness of my entire life. (Of course leaving room for the future of children.)
did u ever consider maybe your "marriage" seems like work is well first off it is but second off you DONT KNOW EACH OTHER.... i really do wish u both nothing but the best but he'll never love you the way you love him and before long his addictions will truly surface and than he'll start beating ur ass.... i hope u make my daughters father a better man... the man i 1st fell in love with, but u wont. do you realize i broke up with him while i was sitting in jail the summer of 2010 bc through his letters i could tell he was using... and using bad. i told him i needed him 2 be the man i know he could b for me and olivia... after my release at some point he told me he wasnt worried bc he know he would get me back... he would get his shit together and get me back.. needless to say he never got his shit together. the man had 6 months left on njsp and he ran. i feel partly to blame bc i broke up with him and WOULD NOT get back with him so in his mind what did he have in n.j??... but hes a grown man he made his coice and while my heart goes out to him than & now he choose his path. Now you, you are whit a man who left his own child... a beautiful happy amazing little girl who still and always has loved her daddy to death... to see her face light up when she would she him as a mother was better than a winning million dollar lottery ticket. he just left her, gave up on her. that is the man you married. while tom has wonderful aspects in himself and can be absolutly amazing im sorry to me all that is wiped away because instead of being a man and completing his 6 months of parole and staying in nj to be a father he ran like a boy... i hope you make him a better man than i could i really do & i hope you 2 have a wondeful life together~ i mean that. i know it wont happen. i know him better than anyone.. i know him better than he knows himself. i know your intimadated by me & toms realtionship, as you shold be.... but the woman i am could never forget or forgive what he has done to my innocent babygirl.... he was NEVER deniaed chances to see her... b4 he left 4 idaho he was in the same town 3minutes away for like a month and never tryed 2 see her... that is the man you married.... that is the boy i left... & thats the "father" oliva will prolly never know. you can put whatever spin on ur realtionship u want, i know the truth. and you can never excape the fact that he made a child and left her, bc I didnt want to be with him. one mans trash is anothes treasure i guess... "in it together" please he dont even understand the concept... trust me... xoxo audrey
ReplyDeletePathetic Audrey - he left u not child and u r using child as pawn in game of life- sick n twisted. You don't know tom best- you KNEW him. You didn't want him. Why wish them well n say it won't happen? Demented. Get ur own house in order b4 commenting
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