TNA - Our Life

I know I haven't thought about you a lot, thanked you for anything lately but right now I need you. I am sorry I left you long ago when I thought church was over rated and my dislike for mass seemed overbearing. I thought maybe you would still watch over me while I continued on my day-to-day life. Sorry I haven't made time for you. Right now I need you. You see, my nights are sleepless, my mind in constantly running, headaches seem to be normal now rather than a problem and the tears come for no reason. While I haven't been the perfect child, I really hope you can help. The past ten and a half months haven't been easy. It went from three months to over ten months and now here we are facing something that is bigger than New Jersey, bigger than the ten months. I know Tom hasn't been perfect in his life and to be honest, there is probably more than even I know but this one time Tom was honest, he is now going to be punished for it. I know you know the love I have for Tom in my heart, and his love for me. I am not asking for a perfect outcome I am just asking for something better than we hope. We try to keep our faith that everything will be okay, but the light at the end of the tunnel is pretty dim. I want to have children, but I want to have children with my husband. We had high hopes and wanted a bright future, in what would be tomorrow. While we haven't made the perfect decisions in our lives, either one of us, both together as a couple and individuals - we need the chance to be happy. We have moved leaps and bounds to become not only a couple, but to have a honest, open relationship where we rely on each other and love each other more every single day. I know you have a plan, but I ask you to please allow that plan include Tom and I together to live happily and free - soon. I don't want to make promises of what would happen if we were okay or what wouldn't happen if weren't okay because I would still love you but please consider allowing Tom and I to love one another in the presence of one another. Please I just want my husband home.

Love,

Annette Lewis

This lifestyle isn't for everyone. Some women prevail while some women fail. Mothers either choose to support their children through thick and thin while wives are put through the true test of for better or for worse. Every day life is consumed with something else, you can no longer focus on just you and your relationship you are now focusing on the "what ifs" and the "could its." And I admit somedays its not only hard to get out of bed but its hard to stay positive, upbeat or even to pretend too. This lifestyle is something I never dreamed of as a young girl, I am sure nothing my parents dreamed of me having, hell not Tom's either. While we can have constant negatives around us whether it be no financial help, lawyers, appeals, school, work the list can go on and on depending on the woman and the situation. One thing that helps me a lot is other women in this same situation. We all have this common bond of this taboo love of inmates, something we can't really explain but just know its right. While we continue down this path of hand written letters, 15-minute phone calls we sit and compare. Compare crimes, time, journeys and struggles. Shit, I will be the first to admit, I have not been labeled a "prison wife" for a fraction of what a lot of women have but I do know this is my life too. I know I am not afraid to admit my husband is an inmate. I know I am not afraid to preach the bad and the good of this situation and that love, love can still be behind bars. I won't be in this situation forever, or even years but for my "sisters" who are, I care for them, treat them with respect and let them feel how they feel. Not every single person is affected in the same exact way. What I may be happy about, one may be mad about and what may be a positive for her may be a negative for me. Whether my husband will be home in five months, five years or five decades that doesn't change that fact that I too am in this situation, that I too have struggles yet have triumphs. I want to stand with other women in rejoice to have one another to confide in, trust and understand, not belittle and judge. As loved ones of inmates we should be reaching out to one another offering information and resources because when it comes down to it we are already judged by the better bulk of America. I don't want to be judged by the same people who are living the same life as me.